Manic Panic (or lack thereof)

When I heard that the theme for the Met Ball this year was "punk" I got really excited. But after going through The Cut's extensive slideshow I've come to the conclusion that very few of America's brightest and shiniest actually know what punk is. There was an overwhelming amount of "Well, I'll just wear some dark eye make up or have a mohawk esque updo and that will count". THAT DOESN'T COUNT. Or they just decided to ignore the theme because they're too cool for shit like that (looking at you, Klum) and they are therefore, lame and boring. And rude. If you are invited to the Met Ball and are too uppity to dress to the theme you need a stern talking to from my grandmother and Jesus.

Alas, here are my thoughts, good and bad:

Rooney Mara

 I LOVE me some Mara and I also love me some Givenchy. 

Nicole Richie

Crazed. But A for effort. 

Coco Rocha

Because, obviously.

Ginnifer Goodwin

I don't think I actually think this is good. I just like it because it's funny. And I need a good chuckle.

Sienna Miller

 FAVORITE. How fun does she look? I want to be her best friend. And then steal her jacket and run.

Anne Hathaway

 I would like to point out that BOTH Miley Cyrus and now Anne Hathaway have my old hair cut and color. I am a trendsetter. Her dress is stupid but in comparison to the nipple-tastrophe of the Oscars I just can't get worked up anymore. Her face is pretty.

Madonna and accessory

 Madge would bring it home. She was the only one there old enough to remember what punk really was except Donatella. Wintour would never admit it. 

Gwen Stefani

 There was a lot of cut outs on the carpet, as if cutouts suddenly make you edgy. Even though edgy doesn't mean punk. But ole' Gwen was one of the only ones who did it right. She is a very sexy present wrapped in haste. 

Kelly Osbourne and Matthew Mosshart

 SIDENOTE: Matthew is from Nashville and is friends with my sister's best friend and said best friend has like, been at a bonfire or something with Matthew and Kelly, so basically, Kelly Osbourne and I are best friends. She also looks cool and on theme. 

Sofia Coppola and Marc Jacobs

Indulge me. I am currently in the middle of my fourth draft of a twelve page paper based entirely on the work of Sofia Coppola so she can do whatever the hell she wants. Honestly her pajamas might be the most punk thing there if you think of the meaning of the term "punk".

January Jones

That's dedication. 

Debbie Harry and buddy

YESSSSS Debbie Harry. Werrrrk Debbie Harry.

Anna Wintour

Anna Wintour is essentially the Michelle Obama of the Met Ball. Like she helps pick the theme. So much fear. Your crisp bob does not fool me. 

Taylor Swift

Taylor is rapidly entering into her matron dominatrix phase which I'm intrigued by. Mainly because I want to see it in a music video with ponies and a pre-feminism disposition. Contrast is art, y'all. 

Heidi Klum

"I'M STILL A THING, RIGHT? LIKE, I'M STILL HAPPENING, RIGHT?"

Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, and embryo

When your body morphs into odd proportions  the obvious choice is to dress yourself like a bulbous armchair from 1974. 

Miley Cyrus

I mean.... I guess?

Elle Fanning

I love how Sienna Miller is effortlessly laughing in the background, like "Oh honey, you will learn."

Sarah Jessica Parker

In which Sarah Jessica Parker makes her final transition into the sartorial bird of prey she has always dreamed of being. 

Allison Williams

Allison Williams skirt is melting off her legs and attempting to flee, along with her confidence in her stylist. 

Linda Evangelista

I feel like infamously pretty women sometimes like to test just how far "eternally stunning" will get them. Linda is pushing realllll hard to find out. 

Jennifer Lawrence

MY ANGEL DON'T LET YOUR OSCAR GLOW WANE SO QUICKLY. SAVE YOURSELF. 

Emma Watson

You see what I mean about the cut outs? They don't automatically make you edgy they just automatically make you cold. 

Kristen Stewart

I just think she looks like a really angry white head. Red and swollen at the bottom and shining and pale on the top, you just want to pinch it and make it go away. 

Carey Mulligan

Carey Mulligan has just started to dress for every event as if it were another Gatsby premiere. Which I guess is a safe plan because then she doesn't have to keep track of anything and can nap in the limo.

Kate Upton

I don't know why she and her boobs were even there. She looks weird wearing actual clothes.